Are You Afraid To
Go Out Alone?
I've been getting some great questions recently from you guys, so I highly
encourage all of you to keep them coming in. For those that don't know, you
can send any question you have to me at
[email protected] and if it's
interesting, it'll make the next edition of the mailbag. You get extra
points for originality.
Let's take our first caller...
I have a question:
I've been practicing the
game for a while and can feel a lot of improvement.
I have routines, know the
techniques, approaching girls at bars and even had a
few same night lays.
One thing that I haven't
been able to overcome is going out alone. I understand that this is an
important thing to do as part of becoming a PUA.
Also, it would enable me to
go out more since my friends are not into the game as much as I am and
sometimes prefer to stay home. But when I'm alone at a bar, my self
confidences is low and it's much harder for me to approach girls
How do I overcome this?
Great question Yaron,
I personally really like going out alone. It's less hassle getting
everything organized, you don't have to wait for your friends to get there,
you don't have the distraction of standing around talking to your buddies,
and it's a great feeling to leave your house alone and come back with a
beautiful woman. It also makes
approaching WAY easier because if you don't approach you're just standing
around by yourself, which is not particularly fun.
When I first started going out alone, I always felt like EVERYONE in the bar
knew I was there by myself and was judging me for it. So one night I decided
to do an experiment. I went to a bar and stood in the middle of the bar by
myself, not talking to anybody. I was fully expecting people to give me
dirty looks or make comments, but nothing happened. Then the next night I
went out alone again and this time did a bunch of approaches, I was sure
every group was going to ask me where my friends were. And it never
happened. Because people really don't care. The biggest hurdle to going out
alone is getting over the feeling that people will think you're less cool
for being out alone.
Ok so now that you know what the problem is, let's look at some things you
can do tonight to fix it.
1. Getting in the batter's box. This is something my buddy Fastlife
once said to me that has always stuck. He said the hardest part of going out
alone is getting yourself going. I know how it is, you're sitting around
your house debating with yourself about whether to go out or stay in. You
list all the reasons for and against going out, flip through your phone
looking for girls you could call to come over, etc.. But what if instead of
that, you simply started to get ready. While you're debating with yourself,
hop in the shower,
or shave or pick out an outfit for that night. This will help get the ball
rolling and then once you're clean, shaved, dressed etc..
You'll feel like you have
to go out.
2. Approach the
first girl you see in the venue. Nothing kills your state when you're out
alone faster than standing around with a drink in your hand. So instead as
soon as you walk into the venue, start talking to the first girl you see. If
there aren't any girls in the bar yet, then talk to the first guy you see. A
lot of guys
underestimate the power of being talkative. The more of a talkative mood
you're in, the easier it will be to approach.
3. Set a certain
number of approaches you HAVE to do. It doesn't have to be overly ambitious,
but make sure that you set a goal for the amount of approaches you have to
do and don't let yourself go home until you complete them.
4. Establish a home
base. This is one of the best and easiest things to do when you go out by
yourself. A home base is where you're going to be when you are in between
approaches. You don't want to be standing by yourself, so you make friends
with either a group of girls you're not interested in gaming or a group of
Then you periodically check
in with them throughout the night when you need a break or there aren't any
girls you're interested in approaching.
Going out alone is either normal or weird based on how YOU feel about it.
Question on smooth Kino
Hopefully you can shed some light on this subject. I understand that
calibration plays a huge role in this. What i've found is that I am
personally way too into my head. Like I feel like i'm invading the girl's
space if I simply give her a hug or it just doesn't feel natural. I am
definitely not a natural touchy feely guy and grew up almost never touching
girls. Not even simple high fives or hugs or whatever. I watched one of my
friends at work today and he just naturally threw up a high five rewarding
her for something he thought was cool. Like when I see my friends grab or
play with the girls I can totally see their BT go through the roof.
I feel like there's this space between me and the girl, and i'm just
chatting. I've been complimented on my voice and smoothness plenty of times
but i'm missing that half where I see the more alpha guys
taking control physically.
So I started learning a little bit of palm reading and using the penny,
nickel dime routine as an excuse to hold the hand. but that just makes me
not the fun/playful guy but the serious guy yet again.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any advice
First can we all agree to stop calling it kino and simply call it touching?
Let's figure out what the real issue is here. It's that you're not
comfortable touching girls. That's fine I was not a naturally touchy guy
either. In fact it got so bad that one time on a bootcamp in Toronto Savoy
came up to me to ask me if I knew if there was a casino around where he
could play some keno because the
students hadn't seen any keno all night.
So what I did was I came up with a simple structure to guide my touching. It
went like this:
Playful touching- This is
stuff like playfully shoving her, flicking her on the arm, patting her
pompously, etc.. This is the stuff that happens early on. With touching the
earlier you do it the more you will seem like a naturally touchy guy.
Hand touching- This is
stuff like high fives, thumb wars, playfully slapping her hand, so on and so
Arm in arm- This will
happen as you're qualifying girls. She says something you like you take her
hand, place it on your arm and say "That's all you get." You can also do
this when you're moving a
girl by asking her if she's the romantic type and holding your arm out for
her to link through.
Arm around. This is another
reward type of touching. She says or does something you like and you pull
her in by her waist. There's an easy way to tell if she's attracted here,
because she will put
her arm back around you if she likes it.
Hand holding. The best way
to hand hold, is to suggest moving and then hold your hand back for her to
Kissing- There's a variety
of ways to kiss, but my favorite is what's called the almost kiss. This is
where in the middle of talking to her, you stop and say
" I'm sorry, I'm having a really hard time talking to you, because I keep
thinking about kissing you. But I understand we're not ready for that yet.
So we're going to do an almost kiss. We're going to
get really close, but you're not allowed to kiss me and I'm not allowed to
kiss you. If you kiss me it will ruin all trust in our relationship."
Then you lean forward and
get as close to her lips as you can without touching them. Then you push her
away and go back to talking. 5-10 minutes later you can go back in for
another almost kiss at which point the girl will almost always kiss you.
That's a good start for ya Mark. The key with touching is that you have to
act like it's the most normal thing in the world.
I would like an opinion from You. A guy approaches a Women in person and the
Women shows the guy indicators of interest by making eye contact, smiling,
laughing with him during the entire lengthily conversation. He then ask her
5 mins laters before he leaves "If she would like to see him again?" and she
says yes. The guy then gives her his cell phone and she puts in her name and
number. On the 3rd day the guy calls this Women and on the 5th ring he gets
her voice mail. He leaves a message with his name & number and other things
but doesn't get a call back. 8 days go by and he calls her again but gets
her voicemail and leaves another new message. This time he doesn't say his
name or number because he left it on his first voicemail. The guy figures
that she would recognize his voice and knew it was him from the first time.
Should the guy wait 9 more days to pass before he calls again to leave
another voice message? Why would a Women give a guy her real cell phone
number but not answer her phone or return his calls?
When should this guy give up on calling her? How many voicemails should this
guy leave for her before he hears from her again? Theguy understands how
some Women just like the attention or dont want
to seem too easy.
Ok we'll call this portion
of the mailbag " She's just not that into you".
Newsflash guys, women give out their phone numbers all the time. The phone
number isn't worth the paper it's written on, or in this case the phone it's
stored in. Sometimes women will even give you their phone number to get rid
of you. This isn't the seventies when a phone number meant something. Every
girl who has a cell phone, has caller ID and she can pretty much avoid any
guy she wants to, and guess what she wants to avoid you.
The major mistake you made here, was not setting up a date. Getting phone
numbers and agreeing to see each other again sometime, is a stairway to
heaven. Instead what you want to do is suggest an
activity at a specific time and place that you guys can do together. This
could be as simple as mentioning how you're going to a comedy show this
Thursday early in the conversation and then bringing it up again and
inviting her when you want to get her phone number. By making her commit to
a certain time and place you will see if she's actually interested or if
she's just being polite. This way she can say "I'm sorry I'm busy that
night." And if she doesn't suggest alternative plans, you know you have a
potential flake on your hands.
Now you made a few other mistakes as well. First you waited too long to call
her. On a cold approach you want to call the very next day. The reason being
that she doesn't have a whole lot invested in you unlike a guy in her social
circle, who she'll have to see again. Then you waited an ungodly amount of
time to follow up when she didn't call you back. 8 days is ridiculous. You
want to keep following up every day or other day until you either get her on
the phone, or you get distracted by all the other girls you have in the
pipeline. You do have other girls in the pipeline right?
Oh wait, no you don't otherwise you wouldn't be so obviously hurt by this
girl not returning your calls.
Sorry for the harsh love but this is the real world and not every girl that
you think you have a connection with is going to call you back. The solution
is to go out and meet more women.
That's gonna wrap it up like a guy who picks up chicks at the free
Till next time,