Newsletters Archive
The Learning
Process Of Pickup
Hey guys,
Today I'm going to be addressing something near and dear to my heart. The
learning process of pick up.
There are a lot of people giving out a lot of bad advice on how to learn
this stuff, so I want to make sure that I get my thoughts and experiences
out to you guys to help shorten your learning curves.
First let's talk about the idea of a learning curve. A learning curve is the
specific personal path that you will need to take to get to your goals.
Everyone's learning curves will be different. For example a guy who's 6'4,
extremely good looking and works as a movie producer, will have a
significantly shorter learning curve
than a guy who's 5'4 300lbs and unemployed. But both of these guys can
eventually get all the success they desire by following the same basic rules
for learning.
The first rule of learning pick-up, is that ALL real learning happens
in the field. You can theorize until you're blue in the face, but until you
learn how to actually apply the theory in real life, you haven't actually
learned anything. That's why you want to follow the 4:1 ratio of field time
to reading. That means that for every hour you read, you need to spend four
hours actually approaching. It doesn't count to just go out.
The second rule of learning pick up is learning to only take in high
quality information. There's a lot of keyboard jockeys out there. Guys who
sit around and can spout theory like an encyclopedia of game, but can't
remember the last time they got laid. You have to be super careful about who
you listen to, especially on message boards. It's a good idea to research
who you are learning from. Make sure that they have a track record not only
of success for themselves but for their students as well.
Stay away from reading sales letters and marketing hype about what a product
will do for you, and instead look at the reviews of that product on public
forums like These:
The Attraction Forums (http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/index.php)
The Pick Up Artist Forums (http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/)
I post daily on both sites as well as many other talented dating coaches
such as AFC Adam, Gambler, Savoy, Brad P and more.
The next rule of learning is the rule of small chunks. When you first find
this stuff, it can be overwhelming as there are literally hundreds of
thousands of pages on pick up theory ranging from dealing with self esteem
issues to sexual techniques. With so much out there, it can be tempting to
want to read up on all of it at once. The thinking being that if you can
learn everything you'll be equipped for every situation and have perfect
game!
Unfortunately life doesn't work like that. Despite the awesome power of the
human brain we can only process and digest a small amount of information at
a time. This number reduces even further
when the information that we are taking in is counter intuitive to our
already existing belief structures. That's where the idea of small chunking
comes in to play. You have to be able to break all the information down into
small bite sized chunks that you can implement. So how do we do that? I'm
glad you asked, we do this by focusing on learning one skill at a time and
practicing that one skill until we have it mastered, before moving on.
In the beginning this can be something as simple as making and holding eye
contact. Instead of reading up on how to make "seductive" or "hypnotic" eye
contact, you read some basic bullet points and head out. Then you practice
making and holding eye contact with people until the field tells you you're
doing it correctly. Girls will give you the best pick up advice, as long as
you watch what they react to, instead of what they say. Once you've got that
down, you move on to the next small thing. Remember learning pick up is like
eating an elephant you can only eat one bite at a time.
The fourth rule of learning pick up is learning to be completely
honest with yourself. I often say on bootcamps that one of the biggest
difference between the guys who get good and the guys who don't is honesty.
You have to be able to look at yourself and realize that some parts of your
personality are not helpful and need to change, if you want more success
with women. Some guys decide that they don't care enough to change and
that's ok too. Just don't come on one of my bootcamps.
The fifth and final rule of learning pick up is learning to focus
only on that which is within your control. In psychology they talk a lot
about internal vs external loci of control. The idea behind the fancy terms
being that there are some things you can control and others you cannot.In
pick up almost everything is a variable. In fact the only things you can
control are yourself and your reactions to situations. So you are constantly
faced with choices. You can either approach the girl or stand by the bar.
One of these actions brings you closer to your goal the other doesn't. But
it is a choice. You have to stop worrying about whether or not the girls
will like you, if there's going to be a guy in the group, etc... Because you
can't control it. In fact the more you resist things that are out of
control, the more discomfort you create for yourself and the further out of
state and into your head you go. Learn to ask yourself " What do I have
control of in this situation" and " What do I want the outcome to be here?"
Those two questions should bring you back to right action.
Simply following these five rules will put you leaps and bounds ahead of
most guys who are learning this stuff. I'm currently putting together a
completely free report on why 90% of guys in the community don't improve, so
be on the look out for that next month sometime.
Last week in Sinn's Of
Attraction.
I gave my official take on rating women:
http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-official-take-on-rating-girls.html
Talked about social
pressure and how it affects us:
http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.com/2008/09/social-pressure-lock-up.html
And helped spread the word about an injustice:
http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.com/2008/08/charles-lynch.html
In other Sinn related news I will be on Mehow's Infield Insider very soon.
We recorded two weekends ago in NYC and got some great footage so be on the
look out for that in the next month or so.
I've also got a BIG surprise at the end of this week, so keep watching your
mailboxes.
Till next time,
S
